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The Lives I've Ruined

by My Missing Half

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1.
Skin Grafts 03:24
Skin grafts can't cover up Each one of our regrets. Sometimes pain can't be shrouded by flesh. I can't deny the urge. It itches through my bones And this spine of glass won't support dying hope. So tell me why I should even try To sleeve unhealable inflictions. There is no point to pretend that they Can't sense the emptiness. Chorus: Look at what fright has done to my life. I've become such a grotesque figure.. Theres nothing that I can do to resist. I need to let the anxiety linger. The sickness has to spill By words of catharsis For self loathing begun to surface. Now i intoxicate To make sure I feel worse In this cycle always leading to remorse. Every day I say will be the last But then of course it happens again. I keep finding ways to justify Sins I said were over. Chorus Indulging In sorrow. A process That never ends. Chorus
2.
Each time I kill the nameless My rest is bittersweet For for one year to the cursed day The screams will echo. Paranoia blends with truth. Eyes twist over shoulders. I wish I could accept death So this would end. So Pedantic To find my hunter first. The nausea multiplies. With each lethargic second. Dark outlines crawl Through my peripherals But they are never there when I turn towards them Chorus: For how much longer will it be possible to breathe With the white-knuckled grip that's slowly choking me? I contemplate unmasking the walking hell to see What time has done the face of my worst worries. The worst part is waiting for An inevitable fight With the only enemy That I don't deserve. A diabolical twin Born of neglect and hate. I know that I'm its prey but Why'd it choose me? Can't fall asleep Or I won't wake again. Adrenaline will not Keep me alive forever. Heavy eyelids Forging my suicide. Sleep deprivation has Become too painful Chorus That god awful voice Dream catchers won't keep it away. It's reminding me That I'm worthless. A breath down my neck. Shivers cracks into vertebrae. Just end my life now. I'm tired of running. Chorus
3.
Empty Dreams 05:51
Lyrics: Nothing to show for Despite each sacrifice. It seems that my hatred hinders not just myself. A life's work defaced Along with my friendships. Through ritual show me everything I've done wrong. Hypnotized to the depths Of unconsciousness My heart raced as I Re-lived the fright Spawning from a choice That I'll always regret. I only wanted To have meaning. How foolish of me to chase After the impossible Having seen others die trying. Ignored each of your warnings Laughed and spat in your face When you were trying to help me. Chorus: Give all of these empty dreams to someone who has use for them Tell them I had no chance to amount to anything. So don't feel any guilt. A worried voice tries To wake me from the trance. Instead I followed shrieks into the darkness. With each step closer More apprehensions bloomed The once helpless cries Turned malignant. There stood a wretched Impostor of myself Reflecting back truths I had blocked out. I'll always remember how The phantom silhouette Perfectly showed my worthlessness. The person I've hidden from Therapists and myself Can not be denied anymore Chorus: Give all of these empty dreams to Someone who has use for them Tell them I had no chance to amount to anything. Give all of my promises to everyone who's still waiting It's become obvious That I'll never be able to You all deserved better. My desires, they make me feel so fucking filthy. How could I betray all of you with no hesitation? I hate how much I want it. I try to turn away But I'm far too pathetic and weak to regain control. Remorse clings to my skin Deforming me Into the disgraceful man I really am. Remorse clings to my skin Deforming me So others know not to trust Me ever again. I'm so sorry for each of my lies, And taking anger out on you. I'm going to stay here in the blackness Just please don't miss me. Leave me here to die. Chorus
4.
I despise, Myself for these actions, But taunts from Legion, Were too much to bear. For three nights I paced, And lied to myself. I said everything, Would soon be ok. I want my life back, But I'm dead inside, Heart's beating atrophied blood. Trembling in terror, Holding in tears, Can't let them see how weak I really am. My world's been torn apart, By old horrors, Rising from slumber. Watch my limbs contort, Each time I recall, The lives I've ruined. Please scalpel, The knots tied in my thoughts. They've altered my sight. I can't tell what's real. Tracing my steps, Towards the first abduction. If only I'd known, The reaper was near. No one can save me, I've gone too far, The path home is encased in shade. I know it's near me, Hiding somewhere, Waiting until I let my guard down. My world's been torn apart, By old horrors, Rising from slumber. Watch my limbs contort, Each time I recall, The lives I've ruined Screaming for help, But none can understand, Pleas concealed in tongues. Blasphemic rage, Will never be restrained, For they are many. My world's been torn apart, By old horrors, Rising from slumber. Watch my limbs contort, Each time I recall, The lives I've ruined The sins that I've cast, Imbue me again.
5.
Amityville 04:47
No one believes A prophecy so cryptic Even though each prediction has come true. I wish they'd see. The ones who walk beneath only emerging when I'm "alone". I swear this house is is alive. I feel it's stare watching me sleep. Unearthly chills consume me blurring my sight into madness. Chorus: Fear itself is swarming And its wishing death upon me. Each attempt to disengage these irrational concerns has failed. I awaken In a hospital bed Piecing together a harrowing tale. The doctors blame this all on lunacy but I know that I didn't chisel these scars. They condemn me to needles To drown out the omens I've earned. The remedies paralyze me But I still hear dead steps creaking. Chorus I would do anything to prove that there's something here. For the lone reason of knowing if I've actually gone insane. It's getting worse A new photograph unveils The truth in the shadows. It shows the family. Who died in this room. They're lynched and swaying above me Drenching me in their wrath. The fright turns my screams into whispers. Surroundings become undimensional As the walls warp and wrench into a maze. With my strength gone they dig Their nails into my flesh And pull with them into a decrepit portrait. Chorus The constant images Appalling and disabling They've surfaced from the graves of recollections so gruesome.
6.
What have I done? 12 martyrs Dried, skinned, and propped up Each refusing to speak. Answer me. Can't you see how grief has drained the color from my flesh? I swear i am no longer the heartless traitor Who had poisoned you all. My vile acts were necessities to preserve My offerings. Chorus: Why can't I forget Their screams? Creeping Reaping Forevermore. Each victim Must be kept hidden From the vermin outside. I hear them Gnawing their way in Craving my rotting friends. Out of any possible outlet for my rage Why did i have to kill The ones who were always standing right by my side Without condition? Chorus: Why can't I forget their screams? Creeping Reaping Forever they ring. Lethal habits Return Breaking Aching Destroying me Bleed For the diety Burn These thoughts out of me This ritual is the Only way i can be saved From the entrapment entrapment between neurosis and disgrace. I've murdered without any cause And i know that it's all my fault I'm not asking to be forgiven. Just let me forget. Instructions from scripture nearly complete. Death, give me your hand. The planets have aligned Now I become your 13th sacrifice. Chorus:
7.
My entire life's Terrors and secrets Sealed into a tortured book I'll never open. A bitten lip bled ink Of such pure anguish That it could make earsplitting words Come to life. Pandora's calling From pages sewn shut In effort to hold The conjurings. Clairvoyant warnings, Say to stay away. But it's too tempting to peer inside. Chorus: My thoughts are a threat to all of you Crack this skull open See for yourself. Lock me away below heavy earth Before I hurt someone else. The tell tale text wants to Lure in a host. I keep on finding myself Sleepwalking towards it. Pretending I'm sane Swear I won't give in But It's been so long since I've held My creatures. I can't stop shaking. Have to move near it Even though I know How wrong this is. Sadistic comfort Lashing out inside I hate you. fuck you. You'll damn us all. Chorus The vile archives They want their destruction unleashed. My tragedies None of them remembered I have to know What I have I created. Stand in awe with me Of a world infested With the nightmares That I have neglected. The countless faces, each displaying dismay As they're all eaten, While they foolishly pray. Chorus I'm so sorry.
8.
Petrified 04:23
And the sentence was set To embalm me while I still breathe. An ill-intentioned injection To keep me in place. Veins stung as they tightened Bringing nausea and violent screams. Slowly I calcified in these Bleak burial grounds. Now all that I own Is time and grief. Vines gather and cocoon My undying limbs. As biotic needs subside I'm forced to sit and stare At the familiar Names on the tombstones. Was my only purpose To thrive off treachery And betray all those who have faith in me? I dragged cadavers From graves to frontline. If only I'd known I had ended their lives. Centuries spent sulking. Rewalking paths I've imagined When a new glimpse of hope is born Bringing my arms life. No longer can I stay A still specimen to regret. With a rudely fashioned scalpel Madness takes control. Self-dissecting through Cobwebbed marrow. I'd rather writhe in pain Than rest anymore. Even if this will Only bring misery It's still worth the risk To feel human again. Was my only purpose To thrive off treachery And betray all those who have faith in me? I dragged cadavers From graves to frontline. If only I'd known I had ended their lives. I must deserve this promethia If even hell has denied me. Everyone I care about has been dead for many years. Even if I find a way out, I will still die alone. Was my only purpose To thrive off treachery And betray all those who have faith in me? I dragged cadavers From graves to frontline. If only I'd known I had ended their lives. If only I'd known.
9.
10.
Knives dragged through My gums to silence me. They did what they had to I would have done the same. If we're found We'll all be skinned alive. As the last survivors. We'll be tortured the worst. What's happened to our world? Such wretched life has spread. Born from the apathy That we have build inside. The initial panic Tore friends and family By severing their hands So they couldn't hold on. Stranded Strangers now depend on Each other to pretend That tour lives are not over and we'll move on. Terror Has claimed my sanity Making me a threat to Our already small chances of survival. Chorus: I watched loved ones die Yet I am still waiting for them Even though I know That they are never coming home. With rations depleting Many volunteer to Search for their suicide But still die with honor. The others look at me. They want me to be next. Either by my own choice Or by my banishment. Each night Im shaken out of sleep By my own screams and the Beatings used to deaden them without delay. I hear Them whispering about me. They're going to kill me Unless I pack all my things and leave right now. Chorus Treading up to my neck Through what's left of our planet. Is there anyone out here? il never make it on my own. My plea answered But not as I wished If only I had been killed in the shelter I face the one Who exed out the lives Of my bloodline. And now I am next. Chorus

credits

released May 3, 2014

Produced by Jason Mass and Daniel Florez
Recorded at Getaway Recording
All music and lyrics written by My Missing Half

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My Missing Half Boston, Massachusetts

With rushing dual-guitar shredding, panicked riffs, and chilling melodies, MY MISSING HALF is an aggressive, melancholic, melodic death metal machine from Boston, MA, USA. Delivering songs that threaten to swallow the listener whole, MY MISSING HALF disregards all conventional notions about how melodic death metal should sound. ... more

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